How do I build deep and meaningful relationships?
by Robert Krumrey
Last Sunday (10/11/20) Tommy preached a powerful sermon on the importance of building deep and meaningful relationships. From Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, he showed us that these relationships can be a source of productivity, support, comfort, and safety. I don’t think there is anyone reading this who doesn’t want those kinds of relationships. What we also heard from the sermon, was the need to sacrifice for the sake of building these kinds of relationships in the church.
So where do you start? Something that we’ve said many times through the years at MH is to “devote yourself to a few like family”. You are probably not going to be able to build deep and meaningful relationships with our entire membership of 115 people (plus all the other attendees who make up our fellowship). Knowing this, the only way to truly put Ecclesiastes 4 into practice, is to pursue a few in the way described in the passage.
HOW TO DEVOTE TO A FEW (10 ways)
1. Pray
Honestly, I don’t think building relationships is too complicated. It requires sacrifice, but it’s not that complex. One really simple way to begin pressing in to a deeper relationship with someone is to pray for them. I find that when I pray for people, I immediately begin to develop a concern for them that wasn’t there before. You start to think about their family relationships, challenges at work or school, friendships, financial or physical hardships. Your time of prayer for them enlarges your heart for what they may be going through and engages your mind regarding what God’s vision might be for their lives.
2. Reach out
Once your concern begins to grow, reach out to the person to find out how they are doing and about how you can pray for them. This reaching out doesn’t have to be all serious and spiritual, but should also include some sharing of details of what the both of you are up to and how those things are going. Even brief connections over common interests or a meme you thought was funny are a means of building up the relationship.
3. Serve
As you get to know a person more, you find out what their needs are. Once you understand those needs, seek to meet some of them. Tommy mentioned needs like stacking wood or a ride to the airport and how those needs are more than tasks to get done but opportunities to connect with your brother or sister in Christ. You are meeting a tangible need, but you are also spending time with the person and showing the person in a concrete way that you care.
4. Be inconvenienced
One of the most powerful ways that we show love to others is when we allow ourselves to be inconvenienced. I think some of us are all about relationships until they don’t fit perfectly in our schedule. If we are honest, we all know that relationships never fit inside our plans and are often going to cause us to have to change what we originally thought we were going to do with our time. This displays love to others when we drop everything in order to serve them.
5. Ask for help
This is one way of building deep and meaningful relationships that might surprise you. Asking for help from someone can actually be an intimacy building experience between two people. You are showing both your own vulnerability and your trust in the other person when you ask for help and this can go a long way in building the relationship. It’s a kind of “bearing of one another’s burdens” (see Galatians 6:2) that really starts getting at the kind of relationships that Jesus intended in the church. So instead of calling the Uber or paying for the lawn to be mowed while you are gone, ask someone to help you.
6. Pray together
Most of you reading this are comfortable praying in a small group Bible study or even from the platform in a Sunday morning service. For some reason, when it comes to praying spontaneously with our brothers and sisters in the church we rarely take the risk. I find this to be a powerful means for relationship building among Christians. I think many of us have these thoughts that we should pray for someone on the spot, but end up ignoring them because it feels uncomfortable. Next time you have that thought, just go for it and offer to pray for your friend.
7. Eat together
There really is something about eating meals together that contributes to the building up of relationships especially when the meal is shared in one another’s homes. I know it’s hard to do this right now but be creative. Cookouts in the backyard or an outdoor dining experience at a restaurant are still options.
8. Cross barriers
One of the hallmarks of relationships in the church is diversity. Because the gospel serves as a powerful center of gravity that draws all kinds of people together, we have the opportunity and the responsibility to build deep and meaningful relationships with people who are like us in faith but not like us in other ways. It tarnishes the gospel witness of a church when people remain in cliques and refuse to build genuine relationships with those in the church who are not like them. This means that singles and marrieds, young and old, black and white, Americans and Internationals, students and community members, rich and poor, should all be moving toward each other because of gospel grace. Not only is this a command, but it’s also an incredible gift to be able to have relationships across so many different divides that are bridged by Jesus in the power of the Holy Spirit.
9. Start with your family group
If you are thinking that you don’t know who to start with, use the structures that are already in place at MH. This semester we organized our members and some regular attendees into what we are calling “family groups”. These are led by our current elders and a few other key leaders and are designed to be a place for members to discuss the sermon from the previous Sunday and check in with one another for support and prayer. Those who have participated in these groups have come away with deeper relationships already. Why not take these relationships to another level? Check in with your fellow group members regarding their prayer needs or invite them to a bonfire in the backyard. The structures of the church are nothing more than an intentional means for building up your relationship with Jesus and each other. Make the most of these groups and other structures in the church. Wanting to know more about family groups? Contact our church office at contact@mercyhouse365.org.
10. Prioritize
If you’ve made it to the end of this post, you have probably been thinking that you knew all of this already and I’m not surprised. What does surprise me is that even though we know all of this, many of us refuse to prioritize this kind of friendship building within the church. We work hard at our job and make time for our family and a few friends, but we just don’t seem to be willing to move toward meaningful relationships with others in the church. Like a lot of things in the Christian life, what seems like just another thing to put on the to do list, is really a huge blessing that God is eager to give to each of us. None of us has enough good friends and nothing is going to change that unless we do something about it. Even more, this endeavor of building deep and meaningful relationships is something that brings glory to God and a lot of good to ourselves, others, and to our church family.
So take a few steps this week toward devoting yourself to a few like family!